Prisonlandia, Part 17: Running from Problems and Unused Gifts

 

The Journey of Stephen McGee from Houston Police Officer to Texas Prison Inmate

Running From Our Problems

 

I have literally been on both sides of this. I’ve done the chasing and I’ve done the running away. Just as my brothers in blue and I reveled in the spirit of a good chase, it can seem that our problems often enjoy pursuing us when we run. Imagine that you screw-up, break the law, the cops show up and so you run. At first, your problem is the psychological state that led you to breaking the law or causing a problem. Then, the cops show and you have an entirely new problem. Then, as you run, more officers show up along with a K9, helicopter, etc. You get the point, the longer you run, the more problems you accumulate.

When I ran on foot from officers after violating a protective order, the officers pursuing me were not my problems, they were simply manifestations of The Problem. I was running from regret, frustration, poor decisions, insecurity, codependency, anger, and several others. The hounds of accountability were at my door-step, and I feared staring into my own internal abyss. As a result, the punishment was the solution and I spent seven years traveling in my psyche, picking it apart, and throwing out some things while hanging on to others. I came to understand myself and others better. With all of that said, it is much more fun being the chaser.

 

Laundry

In TDCJ they don’t have washers and dryers in each pod or wing. They don’t pick up your dirty laundry, wash it, then return the same items to you in a loving manner. No, the brainiacs at TDCJ have determined that instead, they will simply let you exchange your dirty clothes for freshly washed new ones. Wow, sounds great right? Wrong. The idea of “exchange” is you get something equal in return, however, this doesn’t usually happen. Sure, the pants and shirt may fit on your body if your lucky, buy chances are you’ll get some of these:

-clothing with grease and paint stains

-clothing with rips and tears

-clothing that has been tapered and altered to someone else’s measurements (you like skinny jeans right?)

 

Did I mention that laundry exchange is typically very early in the morning. Like 4am early. You do have other options though. Hang on to your clothes once you get a set that you like and wash them yourself. This doesn’t take long and requires a little soap and some effort. Here are a few ways to do your laundry:

-in the sink – this may be tight fit but with some scrubbing and elbow grease it will work out fine.

-on the floor – if you have limited sink area, you can rinse them out and then lay them out on a clean spot on the floor and then scrub em’ down.

-the shower – kill two birds with one stone. Get clean and clean your clothes. I would typically wash my boxers, t-shirts and socks in the shower.

-in the toilet – yes, you read that correctly. This is an institutionalized means of washing and quite disgusting in my opinion. I never did it but had cellies who did. Their logic was 1)it's easy to rinse because of the high-pressure flush and 2) if they clean the toilet thoroughly, then there’s no issue right? You can clean that toilet until your fingers bleed and you’re not going to remove all the bacteria and crap that has accumulated over the years. Not to mention the pipe and buildup of sludge that is just out of sight and impossible to clean. My advice – stay out of the toilet.

-Pay someone to do it – A lot of guys do this as a hustle and most that I have known do it because they don’t go to the commissary and want some snacks in their locker. My only rule was not to give business to guys who were smokers (not cigarettes). Your clothes might disappear, get sold, or come back dirtier. Help the guy who helps himself. My other rule – toilet washing is not acceptable.

 

Footwear

 

Brace yourself for the worst footwear known to man (meme). Not only will these poorly made and uncomfortable shoes be issued to you, but some will be offered for sale to you at ridiculous marked up prices – and you will buy them because you have no other choice.

 

1-The Jackie Chan – This pathetic looking, clumsy, and heavy shoe gets its name because of its resemblance to the slip-on style shoes often seen in martial arts movies. However, do not try any martial arts or other physically demanding activity because these shoes will go flying off your feet or cause you to trip and fall. Despite the large amount of rubber on the shoe, it's still a pain to wear. These shoes will be issued to you as you arrive in TDCJ and along with your shaved head will make you feel like a complete imbecile.

2-Black leather boots – These black leather work-boots are surprisingly well made, heavy, and very uncomfortable. The bottom of the shoe contains the imprint of the word “offender” so that you can be constantly reminded of your role in life. These boots look like something you would see guys wearing at a Neo-Nazi parade.

3-Commissary Athletic Shoes – If you're active or like to work-out, and have the means, you’ll want to buy some of these shoes, unless you want to destroy your feet in the two aforementioned options. First off, all of the “athletic” shoes are white, basic and were obviously picked and approved by someone who sits on their fat butt in an office all day and doesn’t know a thing about exercise and fitness. Imagine an ugly shoe you might see an 85 year old wearing while walking laps at the local mall – yeah, that’s the shoe you’ll be wearing. Some of the shoes they have offered in the past would fall apart within thirty days.

4)Commissary boots – more comfortable and lighter than the black leather boots. I had a pair and they were more like “show boots” than work-boots. They are suede and impossible to clean if you get dirt or water on them.

5)Medical Shoes – If you have some type of condition which requires you to have a more comfortable shoe, you’ll need to go through medical to get them. Be prepared to take a bus ride to another unit or possibly UTMB in Galveston in order to speak with someone regarding your foot problems.

Helpful Hint – Sometimes you will encounter guys with flip-flops that they wore in the county. These can be cut down to fit inside your shoe and work like an in-sole. Makes it a little more comfortable.

 

The Unused Gift

 

There was once a homeless man who lived on the streets of a large city. The man had nothing but the shirt upon his back and finding shelter and food were his primary concerns that he struggled with each day. One day, the man was looking for food in a pile of rubbish when he came across an old strange looking coin – one that he had never seen. The man looked it over, put it in his pocket and didn’t give it much thought.

Soon after, the man’s troubles began to ease up. He didn’t struggle to find food and he found a small, covered space that provided him with shelter. The good luck continued each day over many months, and the man was certain that the coin must be a good luck charm. He cared for the coin, cleaned it, shined it, and kept it secure on his person at all times. Many of his fellow street people were in awe of the coin that he talked so much about, and they would ask to see it and touch it, but the man refused, knowing for certain that they would try and steal it. He was even approached by men in fancy suits who, upon catching a glimpse of the coin, would ask to examine it, but the homeless man refused and would instead clutch it tightly.

As the years passed, the man became old, his health deteriorated, and his string of good luck had long ago come to an end. After several days of going without food and sleeping in the rain, the man walked into a collectors shop to try and sell the only thing he had.

“How much can I get for this old coin?” asked the man as he showed the now beat-up and scratched coin to the man behind the counter. “Just enough for some food please” said the homeless man as he coughed and struggled to stand.

The clerk pulled out his glasses and examined the coin as his eyes grew wide. “Where did you get this?” asked the clerk as he examined the coin more closely.

“It was under some garbage in the old alley” replied the man as he coughed. “Probably not worth more than fifty cents.”

The clerk removed his glasses, looked at the man and said “this is a very rare, ancient coin worth half a million dollars. How long have you been holding on to this?”

 

Like the old man, sometimes we have value under our nose that we’re completely unaware of. Often, others will see our gift and want to know more about it, but fear, lack of awareness, or insecurity prevent us from acting on it. How different would our lives be if we used our priceless gifts?

 

 

 

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead, to express his opinions courageously and openly.”

                                                         -Albert Einstein