Prisonlandia, Part 8

 Cell Etiquette

 

If you can learn how to be consistent with the Big Ten Unwritten Rules, then you should have no problem with cell etiquette. With that said, it’s important that you know ahead of time how to be a good cellmate (or celly). If you have a pleasant, considerate personality and understand the dynamics of “give and take” then you’ll be fine. However, even if that’s the case, there are some specifics you need to be aware of.

 

Cleanliness: This means both your hygiene and environment. A considerate celly will maintain an organized area and wipe down the floors, toilet, sink, on a regular basis and always clean up after himself. Shower regularly and don’t leave dirty or sweaty clothes lying around.

Schedule: Be aware of your schedule as well as your celly’s. If he’s been at school or work all day, then when he comes in, give him the cell for a while. Get with your celly and go over each other’s schedules so you have a clear understanding and won’t risk “disrespecting” each other. Some celly’s will be flexible and are pretty laid back about everything. Others however are very serious about having their “alone time” in the cell – for whatever reason. Hopefully you won’t get the celly who is a bum and sleeps all day without consideration for anyone’s schedule. If so, try talking to him and work something out. The main thing is this – one Prisonlandialite’s way of doing time should never interfere with another’s way. If it does, ultimately, it will cause problems and disagreements. Remember – both of you are two grown men thrown together into a situation neither wants to be in, so, you must come together and make the best of it, which requires effort and sacrifice on both ends.

 

Noise: Respect your celly by not making too much noise when he’s sleeping or having a lot of foot traffic in and out of the cell. Don’t leave a radio playing all day and especially at night. If he wants to listen to the radio at night, he better have some headphones.  A good rule of thumb is don’t make noise other than that which you can’t help. Such as flushing the toilet, running water in the sink, etc. Don’t be whistling dixie in the morning as you make your coffee while your celly is still trying to sleep.

 

To Flush or Not to Flush: Some inhabitants of Prisonlandia do not like to hear the sound of urine going into the toilet. I mean, who does, right? When was the last time you took a piss at your house and stood there and simultaneously flushed the toilet constantly while holding your junk with the other hand? I never did. This is reality in Prisonlandia though, and yes, even in the middle of the night while you’re sleeping, some will feel compelled to flush, flush, flush until they're done. Did I mention that Prisonlandia has toilets that are industrial grade hyper turbo charged? Ever started a V8 engine that had no exhaust to subdue the sound? Imagine that in toilet form. One theory is that by flushing relentlessly, pee will not splatter on the seat and floor – makes sense. However, if you’re always conscious of cleaning up after yourself, then pissing normally shouldn’t be a problem. I actually had one celly who would sit down to urinate. It was really awkward, but as I later found out, was a huge gesture of respect due to him not wanting to make a mess. I appreciated the respect, but I will never sit down to pee.

Sharing - If you have a good celly who does all of the things mentioned above, and doesn’t look for a handout,  then I think it’s appropriate to share with him. I’ve had cellies like this who never asked for a thing, and it only made me want to share with them more. 

 

If you have a celly who is inflexible, must do things one way only (his way), has an issue with any aspect of your charges or is always trying to run the cell like he owns it then you probably have an institutionalized celly. This type of celly would rather fight about problems than finding a common middle ground or simply requesting a move. He will force your hand to do one or the other. You can bring it down to his institutionalized level or simply take it upon yourself to request a move due to being threatened (these are the magic words that staff needs to hear to move someone quickly). In addition to this behavior, you will notice that an institutionalized inmate is always looking backwards, telling old stories, and never speaking in successful present or future terms. The only time they live in the present is when going through the motions of necessity or acting on a reference of the past.

When I was locked up I embraced a concept to better deal with challenging personalities. I reminded myself that every person I met, regardless of the situation or emotions involved, was a test. I would remember to ask myself “What is this person trying to teach me and what positive lesson can I learn from this interaction?”

Finish What You Started

If there was ever something that reflected equally over both the prison world and the police world, it would be the concept of finishing what you started. In prison, if you commit to something, its crucial that you see it through and this includes any potential issues and beefs with other guys. If you have a deal with someone, then you follow it through. If you make plans with someone, then follow through. If you get challenged by someone because of some bad blood, then you need to see it through to the end whether that means sitting down and hashing it out or throwing punches. 

In law enforcement this concept applies as well. I recall a story from my time on night-shift that provides a perfect example. I was sitting in a parking lot off the gulf freeway at Edgebrook while doing a report. There was another officer who had a traffic stop going on approximately two hundred feet away in the same parking lot and so I was keeping an eye on him as I typed the report. The officer already had the guy sitting in the back seat of the patrol car and had a wrecker on scene ready to take the car. Well apparently, the officer had committed one of the biggest cop sins and not handcuffed the guy before putting him in the back seat and so upon learning that the guy had a felony warrant, he attempted to have the guy step out so he could apply the cuffs. Yeah, right. As soon as his foot hit the pavement from the backseat, the guy burned off on foot and promptly jumped a fence and went into an apartment complex. I saw what happened and so I drove towards the other side of the complex, parked the car, got out and went into the complex hoping to catch the guy as he was running. 

Sure enough, I encountered him and the foot chase ensued. I was pretty fit at the time, so I was able to keep up with him as we ran around the complex, all the while waiting for the other officer to show up and help. At one point while giving chase, me and the guy played a game of cat and mouse when we came to a dumpster. It was one of those small dumpsters about waist high that you can see over and he stood on one side while I stood on the other.  And so, we were both out of breath and regaining our composure as we looked at each other from opposite sides of this dumpster. I remember sharing a laugh and a smile with the guy as we both rested and acknowledged the small bit of humor in the situation. After a small break we began running again from the parking lot back into the complex. Eventually the other officer showed up and we were able to corner the guy and take him down to the ground. Right on top of a big pile of fresh dog shit. Everyone got the poo on them, especially the guy we were chasing. After we placed the guy into custody, the veteran officer asked me if I could take the guy to jail while he did the reports, charges, etc. This was not an unusual request and was often the way it worked in order to help each other out. However, I had dog poo all over me and would not have been in that position had he cuffed the guy immediately. So, I declined and said I needed to go home, shower, and change. The other officer was not happy but forgot a big rule: “you catch it, you clean it”. This actually happened a couple of times with this officer, who I found to be very lazy. The other time involved me chasing his suspects on foot on I-45/Gulf Fwy at 2am, but that's a story for another time.

 

Know Who You Are and Own It

 

One thing I want to stress is the importance of being true to who you are – who you really are. This can often be a challenge as we play different roles for different people in our life. We will often begin to understand their expectations and projections upon us and place our true identity in the backseat as we put on a mask and assume the role that is thrust upon us and will keep others happy. Removing the masks and embracing your true self can be difficult, especially within the walls of Prisonlandia, but I believe it to be crucial in accomplishing long term success and personal happiness. While locked up, you have plenty of time to rediscover yourself and learn what’s important to you and hopefully learn to embrace certain parts of yourself that you may have run from or been embarrassed about in the past. It’s often been said that a perceived weakness can often be a source of great strength, but we’ll never know if we always try to hide it or cover it with a mask.

A key reason for removing masks is to rediscover our inner child that has been forgotten. Think about your youth and the things that brought you happiness, even if your childhood was a rough one, there is an inner child that is waiting to express itself. Perhaps the reason for your mask is trauma that occurred to you as a child and you fear being hurt again which is quite understandable. However, think about how you would have liked your childhood to be, what things do you wish would have happened? With this mentality, remove the mask of pain and think as a child. This doesn’t mean that you should simply toss aside any concern about why you wear a mask, in fact you should think long and hard about why you wear it and get the necessary help so that it doesn’t hinder you any further. Revealing our true face can be liberating but also a little scary. It can be equally scary for others who may think that you have changed. When you finally remove the masks and pursue life based on your one true, authentic identity, it will seem a perfect fit to you but just the opposite to others who will think you’ve lost your mind, when in fact, you have simply renewed it.

“Accept and embrace your character. Your desire is not to become someone else but to be more thoroughly yourself, realizing your true potential. Slowly transform your weakness into strengths. Do not run from your flaws but instead see them as a source of power.”

Robert Greene from The Laws of Human Nature

Prisonlandia is a microcosm of society and for the most part it serves as a means of purification and forging which brings to the surface our true selves. This was my experience to a large degree as well as others I have met and spoken to. Prisonlandia will shed light on our imperfections and impurities – and we all have them. If you are self-aware, you will take action to ensure that your true self comes to light and the masks and impurities are removed as much as possible. This will be a subjective process, meaning that it must be decided from within – others cannot dictate to us who we are or should be simply because that is their expectation. During my time as a police officer I was a well-paid, well-respected hypocrite. My personal life and choices did not align with the image I was projecting out to the public and as a result, my life fell apart. 

Stephen Covey covered this in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People where he wrote, “secondary traits alone have no permanent worth in long-term relationships. Eventually if there isn’t deep integrity and fundamental character strength, the challenges of life will cause true motives to surface and human relationship failure will replace short-term success”. My view is this: I don’t care if you do “X”, just don’t lie about it while making everyone believe you do “Y”. Own up to your decisions and ideals, even if they’re not popular.