Prisonlandia, part 7

Unwritten Rules

 

Upon entering Prisonlandia, you’ll be hit with numerous policies and rules that you must abide by or for heaven’s sake you might get a discipline case. However, these are mindless rules, and the only ones that really matter are the Big Ten Unwritten Rules. If I left something out, please advise in the comments.

1.)   Respect – You will come to see that there are various interpretations of what “respect” actually is. It may vary from man to man. The worst thing you can do is openly disrespect someone else because when you do that, you are essentially calling out his manhood. This could happen through a direct verbal statement, an overt action, or simply walking near them and their “space” without saying “excuse me”. Keep in mind that sometimes you may not even be aware of anything you’ve done to disrespect another man but he may feel disrespect. Psychology 101 tells us that this is an insecurity driven response – if you point this out then you are being disrespectful and will probably get a fist in the eye. Remember that you are dealing with a bunch of men who are anti-social, detest authority, have a need to “prove” themselves, and lack empathy vision (they can’t see things from another’s perspective).

2.)   Mind your own business  – Basically, don’t interfere with things that don’t involve you, especially Prisonlandia rookies or first timers. You may disagree, not like, or not understand behaviors or activities that often occur in your area but unless they are directly affecting you or your living conditions, just go about your business. Trying to be a hero or a good concerned citizen or morally condemning, may get you assaulted or worse. With that said, you may observe some things that you simply cannot ignore as a decent human being – like the weak, old, or mentally ill being taken advantage of. For example, extortion is rampant in Prisonlandia and I would advise that if you do feel compelled to intervene, do it in a very discreet, very subtle indirect way that will not put a target on your back. Respect how other people do their time (even if you don’t agree) but remember to demand respect for how you do your time as well, while keeping in mind that we all must be flexible at times – we can’t always have our way.

3.)   Repay your debts – The quickest way to earn a bad reputation and get your ass handed to you is to flake out on your debts. My advice is if you can’t afford it with you own funds, then you don’t need it. Guys with addictions are typically the ones who constantly get into debt from gambling or drug use. They refuse to stop their behavior, seem to always be in the hole with someone, and sometimes will even request protective custody (PC) so they can move away from all the debts they owe and the angry inmates trying to collect.

4.)   Don’t steal – This should fall under the Respect Rule but it’s so bad that it get’s its own listing. If you steal from most people – prepare to fight. If you’re stealing from a weaker or naïve individual then karma will find you, I promise. But be mentally prepared to deal with the situation if you discover that someone is stealing from you.

5.)   Keep your hands to yourself – more than just a catchy 80’s song, this is an important thing to remember. As you will see, a lot of people in Prisonlandia can be very touchy, often in an obnoxious way like when some of the younger inmates will be “horseplaying” and putting their hands all over each other. Don’t be one of those guys. Two reasons: one, the guys who behave that way will eventually go too far and piss off the other and they will actually start fighting. Two, you’ll do it just “playing around” with someone you think you know well, and they will flip out or smash your face. Not to mention, that type of behavior is really gay and immature.

6.)   Don’t Snitch – What happens in Prisonlandia stays in Prisonlandia. Don’t run to the guards to tell on someone if they are doing something you take offense to. Either handle that issue man to man or mind your own business. 

7.)   Wait Your Turn – Everyone stands in line in Prisonlandia. To eat, shower, go to the commissary, etc. Be respectful and wait just like everybody else.

8.)   If you didn’t put it there, don’t touch it – Common sense and self-explanatory.

9.)   Don’t screw up someone’s nap – sometimes the only way to “get away” from Prisonlandia while in Prisonlandia is to take a nap. So please, don’t fuck up another man’s temporary escape.

10.)   Don’t Stare or Point – This can cause serious problems. As we have discussed, a lot of guys in Prisonlandia are insecure and don’t like people looking at them or pointing at them – for whatever reason. A general rule of thumb is that if I’m watching you from afar, I should not be able to ascertain what your conversation is about based on your physical movements. 

 

Reflecting on rule #2, inserting yourself into a situation that you don’t have to, reminds me of a vehicle chase I was involved in on the Gulf Freeway in Houston several years ago. Keep in mind that my job, my duty, was to respond to incidents and enforce the law, and to be honest, in law enforcement when there is a vehicle pursuit, everybody wants a piece of the action like bloodhounds after a fox.

I was at the station doing paperwork when the incident went over the radio. There were plenty of marked units already involved and I didn’t need to go – but I did anyway. A guy had assaulted his girlfriend then left the scene and upon leaving the parking lot, struck the responding deputy’s vehicle. He then took off north on I-45 with a growing number of officers on his tail. While everyone else was on the freeway, I blew past them on the service road and got up on the freeway in front of the suspect and attempted to do what is known as a “rolling road block” at about 60 mph – bad idea. A rolling road block is where the officer gets in front of the fleeing vehicle and then gradually slows down while not allowing the suspect vehicle to pass, and this is what I was attempting. At this point, a media helicopter was overhead going live with the chase as they focused on my car and the suspect car as we drove on the northbound inside lane. As I began to tap my brakes, he accelerated and ran right up under the rear of my crown vic (which are bad ass cars btw). When this happened, the rear of my car lifted up, I lost control and veered into the concrete divider, causing the airbag to deploy and hit me in the face as I was simultaneously thrown into the passenger’s seat. That’s right, I wasn’t wearing my seat belt. During all the excitement to get there, I forgot to put my belt on.

After the airbag hit me, I lost consciousness and I awoke as the car was sliding on the pavement on the passenger’s side. My shoulder was hanging out the window and got a nice case of road rash but I was thankful I had not been thrown out the window completely. The car stopped sliding, fell on its top in the middle of I-45 at rush hour. My first thought was, “yeah, I survived!” but then immediately realized my location and thought “oh great, now I’m going to get hit by a dump truck.” Fortunately, the latter didn’t happen as other officers blocked off the road and within a few minutes, the chase ended about five miles away near Broadway. In fact, the guy tried to swipe another officer’s vehicle but failed and instead spun out. He was then “severely” arrested by my coworkers. I earned a new nickname that day – “Flipper” and the video is still on YouTube if you care to watch… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATmqHs58U74

I provided you this story as an analogy of what happens when we quickly insert ourselves into a situation without thinking it through. Will we make the situation better or worse? You may be trying to do the right thing, but keep in mind that the other guy may be willing to take you down with him regardless of the consequences.