Prisonlandia part 5

One of the things I’ll never forget about being in the county was something I observed in a holding cell while we were each waiting to go to court. As we sat there, I watched another inmate go to the toilet and place his hands in the toilet as he splashed the water on his head in an effort to style it. I watched in complete amusement and horror as the guy completely ignored the sink and continued to play in the toilet. Then it got even worse as the guard brought our sacked lunch in (also called a Johnny sack). Upon receiving his bologna sandwich, the toilet stylist held it in one hand and ate it as he continued to splash water from the toilet onto his head. I thought to myself “either this guy is crazy or is one dirty motherfucker who doesn’t care”. When it was time to leave for court and we began walking, Mr. Toilet began doing a strut like George Jefferson from the old TV show The Jeffersons as he showed off his freshly styled doo.

Prisonlandia Bus Services

 

Once you leave the county jail, you will have the pleasure of experiencing Prisonlandia Bus Services. Imagine the worst bus ride that you ever had, then multiply by one million. First, you will be required to strip down to nothing and after squatting and coughing for a burly man with rubber gloves, you’ll be given your Prisonlandia attire and then partnered with another inmate and handcuffed together. Hopefully, you won’t get the guy who is constantly coughing, wheezing or has strange sores all over his body. Actually, the worst is probably the guy who is constantly going to the restroom…well, actually it’s not a room, it's just a toilet at the front of the bus where everyone can see you do your business. Just a heads up, they do not uncuff you if one of you needs to use the restroom even if it’s number two. It’s a great idea to not consume any liquids for at least two hours prior to your bus trip if you’re able, and also, when entering the bus, try and get to the back if you can as you don’t want to get stuck with the seat right in front of the shitter…awkward! The guards who work on the buses are usually overweight, have twenty plus years on, and could pass as extras if they ever did a Deliverance remake. The bus resembles something out of a Mad Max or Expendables movie with the seats seeming as though they were designed for elementary age kids, not adults.



 On a personal note, the bus ride was one of the more psychologically challenging events because you’re in the process of entering a scary new world where you don’t want to be, while still visually experiencing the “outside” world that you’re used to. 

Remember, that the only thing you can take with you from the County Jail is your shower shoes, religious text, and a wedding ring.


During the bus ride experience, you will see the government do what they do best . Upon leaving the Diboll Unit to catch the bus for Huntsville as I was preparing to leave, I anticipated an hour or maybe 90 minute ride considering that the two places were about one hour apart. Nine hours later, I was arriving at my unit of destination, the Wynne Unit. I was on the bus for nine hours as the driver played bus ping pong between units in Huntsville. I felt like I was trapped in some type of black hole, destined to never escape. Some of the g4 and g5 inmates threatened to riot and “start kicking ass” if they didn’t get fed (which worked). During some of the ride, I sat next to a guy who was high on K2. He had his shirt pulled up over his head like Beavis doing Cornholio, and even picked up a sandwich off the floor and ate it. How the staff didn’t spot this guy speaks to the failures of the organization. 



 

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